Alone Together: Are our overconnected lives costing real connection?
We are in an era relentlessly shaped by busyness and visibility, where life feels more curated than lived. Schedules are packed, social media posts polished and conversations are filtered through screens. Algorithms shape our feeds while AI fine-tunes the content to keep us scrolling. We have never been so accessible and yet for many...so disconnected.
I noticed the cost of this pace only when I paused on a recent holiday to visit family abroad. There, connection unfolded in deliberate, unhurried moments and it struck me how much I was craving this presence in the everyday, not just on holidays.
When busy becomes a badge
I manage several jobs so mornings begin as a checklist: work schedule, multiple inboxes, web store, social feeds, WhatsApp threads - often before I’ve even finished my first coffee. It’s a rhythm that feels productive, yet it's sometimes a prelude to a day of scattering pieces of myself to numerous tasks and micro connections.
For many Australians, this ‘busy’ is celebrated as a sign of relevance, ambition and belonging. Days are meticulously planned and feeds are highlight reels of productivity and play. But beneath the dopamine hits of notifications and crossed-off lists, there’s a deeper hunger for connection that seems to be getting lost in the busy of doing.
The illusion of connection
Technology has reshaped the architecture of our relationships by making it easier than ever to connect - but not necessarily more meaningful. While it can bridge gaps, it often fosters superficial connections that only amplify disconnect and fragment our attention.
Each ping, notification or message demands a response, pulling us out of the present moment and scattering our focus. A study by Amazon Kindle found that three in five Australians (78%) check their devices up to 50 times an hour, while more than half (56%) admit to frequently feeling distracted by them.
Social media promises connection through likes, comments and continuous interaction, leading to expanded networks, but often more shallow bonds. Dating apps promise connection too, but the swipes can become more transactional than meaningful engagement, reducing people to scrollable commodities. Not to mention the rise of AI-generated personas flooding socials where the ‘people’ we are connecting to aren’t even real.
Performative connection starts early
These superficial connections are highly visible in school communities, particularly with the younger generations born into social media. Children learn early to navigate hierarchies: who to befriend, who to avoid and which masks to wear for acceptance. For some, these early lessons in performance overshadow authentic social development.
This extends into adult life too, often among the parents in the same schools, where politics and power play dominate over warmth and authenticity. Vulnerability can be weaponised and sincerity mistaken for weakness, so many decide it’s safer just to play along. In this ecosystem, performance eclipses presence, leaving a quiet sense of disconnect, even in the heart of the crowd.
The loneliness epidemic in Australia
This isn’t just a feeling - it’s a public health issue. Around one in three Australians experience loneliness often or always , a statistic that persists despite growing awareness. Loneliness doesn’t just mean being alone, it’s the absence of meaningful, trusted connections. The gap between the social connections we have vs those we want can significantly impact mental and physical health, particularly among middle-aged and older adults.
Programs like Ending Loneliness Together (ELT), founded by the University of Sydney’s Brain and Mind Centre, are tackling this issue head-on. With a goal to halve loneliness by 2030, this initiative is focused on rebuilding authentic social connections within communities by fostering slow-growing, meaningful relationships. Of course, ELT is only one piece of the puzzle; the real challenge lies in working out how we can reconnect meaningfully as individuals.
Finding space for the real
Rebuilding this connection doesn’t happen by accident. It takes deliberate effort. That means making time for emotional presence and embracing the vulnerability of being seen without a mask, even when it feels risky. It means cultivating a few meaningful relationships over hundreds of shallow ones. Most of all, it means understanding that connection is a practice, not a destination.
Somewhere beyond the curated feeds, endless performance and the constant tap of our devices, real connection still lives. The question is - will you make space for it?
This article was originally published in Darling Magazine